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Q
I did some thing to my friend and she was crying wat to do?
Nicky
A
Well, Nicky, you should keep doing what you're doing. Do it over, and over, and over again and take pleasure in making your friend cry. Of course you'll come off as a sociopath, but who cares.
Yours truly,
The Mean One
Q
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me on my first day of college and started going out with one of my best friends and now he will no stop calling me and just gave me a job offer. I know have a nice boyfriend and don't know what to do about the ex.
college sucks
A
Decline the job offer, unless it's a really good job that you can't pass up, and stop taking his calls. Change your phone number if you have to, but tell him straightforwardly that you want nothing more to do with him. Let him know that if the two of you ever get back together that you're more likely to go "Lorena Bobbitt" on his ass and chop off his pee-pee, then tell him you carry a large knife in your purse just waiting for the day that you can get even. Also mention how you think you'll get a get-out-of-jail free card with an insanity defense. He is the pervert who dated your friend, right, and caused you emotional distress in the process, especially during the most prominent years of your life - freshman year of college. Oh, the hardships you will have suffered, so just remind him of how much he will miss out on procreating once his little pee-pee is gone.
Take care,
The Mean One
Q
I have tried everything on your list about how to get rid of an ex-boyfriend. I have two ex's that won't go away. The first one is the worst, I've cursed at him, told him to quit trying to contact me, won't respond when to him, and never see him, but he still calls and sends text messages.
The second is just as bad. I hear throught a mutual friend that he is even thinking about moving to my state (where he knows noone) to be close to me. I don't want him anywhere near me.
How do I get both to just leave me alone.
Geni
A There are always nutcases in the world who won't take "no" and "go away" for an answer. Firstly, cut off all communication with them. Change your phone number and your primary e-mail if possible. Let your family and friends know not to give your personal information to them. Tell your family that you're afraid of them and feel they might harm you soon because they've become obsessed with you since you broke off the relationships.
Tell your's and your first ex's friends that he's a psycho who won't leave you alone and that you're afraid for your life. Spread some viciously false rumors about him. Tell them that you broke off the relationship because he caught a venereal disease from sleeping with other women and men while you were dating him; be sure to stress the sleeping with men part. Even mention a few times how he wanted you to have a three-some with another man. Make sure you talk to his neighbors about his "sexual indiscretions" while dating you, and never fail to mention how he likes sleeping with men.
Tell your second ex that if you see him in your state of residence that you'll call the police because he'll be stalking you, and follow through with it. An even better way to get even with the psycho is to call in a false police tip about a current crime and falsely implicate him, but do it anonymously. If the police pay him a visit, then make sure to call him and rub it in his face. Tell him how you knew he was a criminal and that you're glad you broke it off with him, and tell him he should spend the rest of his life in jail because that's where stalker criminals belong. In fact, if his name ever comes up in a conversation between your mutual friends then make sure to always refer to him as "the criminal stalker."
Good luck,
The Mean One
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