WELCOME TO MEAN MUG'S HOW TO LOSE A DATE: MAN GUIDE!
Have you ever gone on a date and wish you hadn't? If you're dating a man and you want to get rid of him, or if you go on a date and you want to find a quick way to get him out of your life, then follow these rules.
- Tell him you usually date better looking men, but you felt sorry for him.
- Tell him it must be hard for him to get a date looking the way he does.
- Tell him you're too good for him.
- Tell him he should date someone who's more on his level - like the fat, ugly girl down the street.
- Keep calling him a "girly-man."
- Tell him he'll look better as a drag queen.
- Ask him if he's gay.
- Tell him most women are more masculine than he.
- Tell him you don't like men with extra love handles.
- Tell him you knew he was coming when you felt the Earth shake.
- Tell him he's fat and has a lot of acne, then laugh obnoxiously.
- Ask him if he was born a loser or if he chose to be that way.
- Tell him he'll never measure up to your ex-boyfriend.
- Talk about your ex incessantly.
- Ask him if he loves you. Even Better: If he says no, start crying and shaking uncontrollably and scream, "you'll never find someone as good as me!"
- Tell him you want someone who has a good job so you don't hav to work. If he says he'll take care of you, then say you also want someone who's very good-looking and he doesn't fit the bill.
- Ask him if he wants to start picking out the china for your future wedding. Tell him it's never too early to start planning.
- Talk incessantly about beauty pageants and go into specifically boring detail. Even Better: If you talk about beauty pageants in a monotone voice.
- Interrupt him to tell him how pretty you are and how lucky he is to go out with you.
- Every time he talks, make snoring sounds. Even Better: If you say "sorry, you're so boring you're putting me to sleep."
- Tell him you hate kids and you think they are spawned by the Devil. Even Better: Tell him you hate kids because they are dirty.
- Tell him you'll never marry him because you'll have ugly kids - no thanks to him. Even Better: Tell him he shouldn't have kids because he's carrying the "ugly gene."
- Make disparaging remarks about his career. Be sure to say "that's a stupid job for stupid people."
- Tell him he'll make a good janitor. Then, ask him if he wants to come clean your house.
- Interrupt him in mid-conversation to talk about yourself.
- Ask him if he likes Nsync. Even Better: Tell him he resembles Justin Timberlake. Normal men will feel insulted.
- Tell him all boys are stupid and they grow up to be stupid big boys, then, refer to him as "boy." Men have big egos and hate being called boys.
- Tell him all men are cheating dogs and you'll never trust them.
- Tell him you're ready to get married and have kids because your biological clock is going "tick, tock."
- Make fun of his balding. Tel him you saw an 80 year old man with more hair than him.
- Say "As If," and "Like" throughout the conversation. It will drive him totally nuts.