WELCOME TO MEAN MUG'S HOW TO LOSE A DATE: WOMAN GUIDE!
Have you ever gone on a date and wish you hadn't? If you are dating a woman and you want to get rid of her, or if you go on a date and and you want to find a quick way to get her out of your life, then follow these rules.
- Tell her you jumped at the chance to go out with her because you've never dated someone "beneath" you before.
- Tell her you saw someone on TV who looked just like her, and her name was Miss Piggy.
- Ask her if she's a stripper. If she doesn't get mad, but asks why, tell her because you went to a strip joint last week and saw someone who looked like her. Even Better: If you insist she's the stripper you saw at the strip joint.
- Talk to her condescendingly and make over-generalized comments about women.
- Keep asking her if she wants to go to a strip club on your next date. Even Better: Insist that she goes or there won't be a next date.
- Tell her you're happy to go out with her because you're tired of dating pretty women.
- Start talking on your cell phone for several minutes at a time and constantly make phone calls.
- Interrupt her a lot. Even Better: Interrupt her to tell her how lucky she is to go out with you.
- Make phone calls to your friends and tell them how you wish you were hanging with them right now.
- Always find a way to steer the conversation back to you. All you want to talk about is you, you, you. Make her think you're self-abosorbed.
- Tell her you're looking for a woman who will cook, clean and pick up after you. Plus, work full-time and take care of the kids' every need. Then, proceed to ask her if she can cook.
- Tell her you're a mamma's boy.
- Tell her you still live at home and have no plans of moving out.
- Tell her you "love" her and ask her if she feels the same. Saying "I love you" on a first date will send them running.
- Dig in your nose, fart, and burp a lot. Women don't like disgusting pigs.
- Tell her you didn't have anything better to do, so you decided to go out with her. It tells her that she's not first on your list of important things.
- Tell her you like women who pay for their own food and drink. Even Better: Tell her you like women who can pay for your food and drink.
- Tell her she looks fat. Even Better: Tell her you like a woman with a little pouch, then proceed to grab her stomach. NOTE: You might get punched in the process.
- Talk about your ex a lot. Tell her how good your ex treated you and how you'll never find anyone else like her. Even Better: Tell her she'll never measure up to your ex girlfriend.
- Ask her what she does for a living, then proceed to insult the profession. For example, if she says she's a poet, tell her most poets are boring and will never succeed in life. If she says she's a writer, tell her most writers you know are low-lives who live in their parent's basement.
- Stare at her chest and say, "Whoa, what an ironing board!"